Do you ever have those moments where you’re not sure what’s real life anymore? You know you’re awake, and you’re pretty sure you’re alive, but everything just feels completely surreal? That happened to me today while browsing through the betting odds currently being offered on the 2020 Presidential Election, which is somehow already much closer than I want to admit. God, I’m dreading the next 18 months…
It’s not that I can’t stand all the partisan bickering. That hasn’t stopped since the last election anyway. It’s not even that I dislike politics. I kind of enjoy them in a distant, apathetic, observational kind of way. It’s just that I live in a swing state, and worse still, I’m registered as an independent. And what that means is that I will be the target of every cold call, robo-message, house visit, and whatever other horrific strategies the jackals that run these political parties can conjure up to bother me.
If I’m being honest, I do occasionally enjoy getting one of these young, optimistic, volunteers on the phone from time to time so that I can abuse them. There’s a perverse joy one gets listening to their tone politely adjust as they understand what I’m saying as I rant and rave about a much needed bloody revolution or how reptilian shapeshifters are really running the Earth. Whatever.
So, back to why things felt so surreal today. Looking over these odds, I don’t know what stage of societal collapse we’re in right now, but I’m not sure there’s a realistic, responsible choice for President on this entire ballot!
The Rock, Oprah, and LaVar Ball are options!
Look, I’m not one of these mainstream progressives or lefties that sits around screaming about Trump and Russia all day, but his election definitely sank us collectively into the depths of some strange new reality. What if in the real world, Trump launched the nukes right after inauguration, and we’ve been in some bizarro dimension every since. Looking at those presidential betting odds, does that not make more sense?
And, you know what? All the goofy celebrity inclusions in these presidential betting odds aren’t even the issue really. The sick thing is, when I look at the actual career politicians on this list, I think I might prefer reality stars and celebrities. I shouldn’t say all of them, I still have a soft spot for Bernie, but he’s the odds-on favorite to win the Democratic nomination? He’s at least 950 years old.
I’m telling you if we haven’t all died already, and this isn’t some cartoonish purgatory, this country is in deep trouble. We are not people that are built to last.
All of the odds used in the following sections come from SportsBetting.ag.
The Republican Nominee Odds
Note – Presidential Betting Odds Updated September 19th 2018
|Michael Bloomberg||+1600 (Odds Removed)|
Beginning with the presidential betting lines for the Republican nomination, I feel like this is a very odd grouping of candidates. For one, I highly doubt the Republican Party has the cajones to actually primary Trump in 2020. They already tried to interfere with his last run, and somehow he just steamrolled right along regardless.
If they do actually primary him, I really hope they make better choices than the bookmaker here. Where is Brian Sandoval? He’s a Republican that’s closer to the center than any candidate in years, he’s Latino, he’s the Governor of a swing state with a high approval rating, and he’s a handsome man with a vibrant head of hair!
Where is Mitt Romney? Sure, he lost in 2012, but that was to Obama! I’m not sure how to feel about the former President, after embracing him as a Messiah-like figure in 2008, I was underwhelmed by the “change.” It seemed like he just kept the wars going and big business got whatever they wanted, but I digress.
I just mention President Obama because it’s understandable that Romney would lose to him, the guy just had crazy charisma.
If Mitt ran in 2016, he’d be President right now, and I’m not seeing many people on either side right now that could beat him this year either.
The heavy favorite and the obvious choice here is good ole Trump.
It’s almost impossible to defeat a sitting President in a primary. Plus, thanks to the left’s non-stop petulance since last election night, his voter base is dug all the way in and ready to defend their man.
This is why I wish the progressives and the media had just sat back and let Trump sabotage himself. By making things up and overreacting to every little sound bite in an effort to create outrage, now whenever he screws up for real, his people don’t believe it. It’s the boy who cried wolf, and that’s why he’s not getting ousted in the primary.
However, there’s one scenario in which I could see a different result occurring. I’m not sure President Trump wants to run again. I don’t think he ever wanted the job in the first place; he just wanted to win and to get to rub it in everyone’s face. But he’d much rather be living a life of luxury in Maralago.
Which brings us to…..
Mike Pence +800
I don’t think Pence would get the nod if Trump dropped out and there was an open primary, but that’s not how I see this playing out. I think the incumbent ticket will easily get the nomination again, but Trump will decide he’s over it and quit. The last election was fun, he was all of a sudden doing better than expected, things were exciting and new, and that fueled him to all the campaign stops and donor dinners.
How’s he going to get up for another competitive campaign now that he’s already done it once and experienced being President? I’m saying he drops out and leaves Pence as the nominee sometime just after the Republican Convention. Pence will tap someone awful like Jeb Bush or Bob Corker and get blown out of the water by the Dems.
The Democratic Nominee Odds
Note – Presidential Betting Odds Updated September 19th 2018
|Joe Kennedy III||+2500|
I have a question. Why is Joe Kennedy III getting the same odds as freaking Mark Cuban to win their respective primaries?!?! One of the Democrat’s rising stars, who comes from a beloved legacy family and political powerhouse, and who is currently a congressman is on the same level as the owner of the Dallas Mavericks NBA franchise? See what I’m talking about? We’re doomed.
Also, Oprah Winfrey at +1600 is supposed to be more probable than Tom Steyer, another billionaire who’s at least active in politics, and Hillary Clinton who, while probably too old to run again, does have the political muscle to always make her a formidable candidate? I mean, she didn’t even really win the primary in 2016, and she was allowed to just keep on running.
Which brings me to…..
Bernie Sanders +600
Let’s be real…they don’t actually allow us to choose whoever we want as President. Did you see 2016?
The only way he’ll even be allowed to run is if the Deep State and bankers want another four years of Trump. Otherwise, Mr. Sanders is going to have another inspired run and garner a ton of attention before the superdelegates pull the rug out from under him. And this time, a much more significant percentage of his base will bite the bullet and vote Democrat because they’ll be getting nonstop lectures about how last time they didn’t and that’s why we got Trump.
Joe Biden +700 and Kamala Harris +450
Joe Biden is an establishment politician, and he’s leading the field in recent Dem polls. He clearly regrets not joining the race in 2016 but was evidently persuaded not to by the Clinton cartel. Well, now he’s free to run, and all signs point to him getting the nod.
If he’s smart, and she’s willing, the move is to make Kamala Harris his VP pick. After all the griping from the left about white men these last few years, they can’t just run Biden and your typical young white guy Vice Presidential nominee. Ideally, she’d run for President, but Joe’s not going to sign up for another four years of that job. I think he has the political connections and experience to edge her out in the primaries, at which point she’ll agree to join his ticket.
If you’re running an old white guy against Trump, when you’re going to spend months attacking him for being racist and misogynist, the VP better be a woman of color.
I’d love to see the Dems run Harris and Elizabeth Warren together, but there’s no way that happens. It’d be revolutionary, and it’s the right year for such a move, but Senator Warren has spent too much of her political career criticizing the banks. And that’s one of those things they don’t let you do in the US.
Odds to Win the 2020 Presidential Election
Note – Presidential Betting Odds Updated September 19th 2018
|Dwayne The Rock Johnson||+5000|
|Joe Kennedy III||+6600|
Believe it or not, the actual list on SportsBetting.ag is even longer than what I’ve included above. You should go there and check it out in its entirety, there’s a baffling number of bizarre options on which to bet. Alright, let’s break down the 2020 Presidential Election in all its glory.
Mark Zuckerberg +10000
Have you ever watched Mark Zuckerberg interviewed before? I’m legitimately not convinced that he’s human. However, whether or not he’s an actual biological lifeform is not important, because he’s a creep. He’s been using his little spy app to collect all sorts of extra data from us for years without our knowledge and almost definitely has a file on every one of us.
If this guy gets in, we riot. The only other option is some dystopian 1984-like future. I’m not ready for a robot overload that spends all of his time creeping around people’s phones.
Oprah Winfrey +4000
Why? What has she done that people actually believe she could be President. I’m seeing actual news stations discuss her potential nomination. We can’t just say she’s qualified because she’s smarter or classier than Trump. He cannot be the bar by which we decide these things going forward.
If I want to read a good self-help book, I’ll ask Oprah. If I want to put all my weight back on after a crash diet, I’ll ask Oprah. But beyond those things, I don’t see what she brings to the table other than being a kind of antithesis of Trump, while still being an utterly ill-prepared celebrity in a position of power.
Bernie Sanders +1400
THEY WILL NEVER ALLOW BERNIE SANDERS TO WIN!!!! He’d actually want to change things in ways that would benefit people over multi-national corporations. Can’t have that, citizen!
Mark Cuban +6600
As a lifelong Houston Rockets fan and Southeast Texas native, I’d just like to say that I’d rather Donald Trump appoint himself Supreme Dictator of the United States for life than have the Dallas Mavericks owner sitting in the oval office.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson +5000
First, I’d like to point out that The Rock is more heavily favored than several actual politicians including Hillary Clinton, Orrin Hatch, Joe Kennedy III, John Kasich, Tulsi Gabbard, and he’s tied with Michael Bloomberg, a billionaire ex-NYC Mayor.
Look, there’s only one choice for the next Presidential election. There was always only one choice. And you’re damn right; I am all in on THE ROCK!!!
Let me just paint a little picture for you real quick. The location is Los Angeles. It’s late at night, and a terrorist group is wrecking havoc in Downtown LA with a fully-armed Apache helicopter and a predator drone.
Mr. Johnson, laid up in a Los Angeles hospital with numerous serious injuries, hears the commotion and knows he has to act. He kisses his daughter goodbye, flexes his arm – which immediately causes a full-length plaster arm case to pulverize- does a quick stretch, and hits the streets in a stolen ambulance he found at the hospital.
Next, The Rock flawlessly times when the drone will be exiting an underpass, jumping the ambulance over the side of the freeway, and perfectly landing on the drone, putting it out of commission. Then, he exits the ambulance, rips the mounted machine gun off the bottom of the predator drone and begins carrying it down the street on foot.
He spots the helicopter, unleashes a rain of vicious hellfire and shoots down the copter. The National Guard didn’t show up; Homeland Security didn’t show up, the LAPD didn’t even show up. When terrorists were decimating Los Angeles, only the Rock and a ragtag group of street racers he works with sometimes were there.
That’s leadership. That’s Presidential.
Stone Cold Steve Austin